Circe (redcirce) wrote,

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Making my icon unfortunately true

So the thing about the shootings in CA and the resulting twitter stuff that is bothering me (aside from the obvious) is this: I'm lucky enough, because of my job, hermit-y nature, and the people I choose to hang out with, that I don't often come across in person, the asshole attitudes of MRAs or "Not all Men" dudes. The dudes I most often come into contact with are the decent sort, who are quick to express disapproval when hearing about misogyny and sexism.

You know what? Fuck those men too.

I know a lot of dudes who consider themselves feminist to some degree and against misogyny and sexism (um, like any decent human being should, you don't get a cookie), but I have very rarely seen a dude call out another dude for casual misogyny and sexism in public.

Like, I don't give a fuck if you agree that sexism is wrong and are 100% willing to tell me, *after* the party, in private, or in our group of sympathetic friends, that what that other dude said is fucked up. I'm not asking you to like, march in a parade or chain yourself to something or volunteer at a women's center, because it's not like I'm a hardcore activist myself. But I am willing to actually say "Wow, that's offensive and not funny" instead of laughing politely, even if it makes me look awkward, even if it makes me uncomfortable. Because the sad truth is, when a women protests that sort of comment, it gets brushed off and ignored as "oversensitive" or "feminazi" in a way that doesn't happen when it's dude to dude. It has to be peer to peer. Men that don't say anything or laugh uncomfortably are contributing to the culture that says this shit is okay.

It's the exact same thing with racism and white people, except that people usually wait until they're in what they think is an all-white group to make those comments. I'm lucky in that I have the double edged sword of looking white but not really being it, so I have more at my disposal, but it's really not that hard. (And truthfully, because it counts more coming from a "white" person so I usually don't mention my heritage unless they're being total assholes and I want to see their eyes widen as they desperate try to backtrack) Like, I don't do it every single time, and occasionally I'm a coward. But I do it most of the time. I realize that if I don't put myself out there and call it out, chances are no one is going to, and is it really so important to save myself 10 seconds of awkwardness?

So why don't so many dudes.

...I almost started this post "Not to rag on all men" but then realized, wtf, I'll rag on men if I want to.

(To my few male friends who I have seen call this shit out, you are rockstars and the fucking best)

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Tags: hell is other people, pointless entry is pointless, rl
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